Lost and Found

My friend Lane, from Club MomMe, asked me to stop by today and talk a little bit about why I started this site.  Lane is no stranger to infertility either, and she has even shared her story here.

Here’s a little to get you started…

In the very beginning, I didn’t feel so very alone.  Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t screaming, “I’m infertile!” from every rooftop, but I didn’t feel like an outcast either.

Truth be told, I didn’t use the word “infertile” for quite some time.  Doctors, books, websites, and family members were fond of reminding me that one miscarriage didn’t mean I was headed toward infertility.  It simply meant that I was unlucky.  I was in the 25%…even if a miscarriage at 13 weeks isn’t actually all that common.

A dear friend of mine experienced two miscarriages before her first child was born, so I knew that I wasn’t alone.  I confided in her, and a couple of other friends, when I needed some consoling.

For a while, it just felt like something I had to get through.  I was sure that once I was able to get pregnant again, the miscarriage would just be a thing of the past.

But then the second miscarriage happened.  Once again, it took me by surprise.  There wasn’t a cramp in my uterus or a spot of blood to be found that might have indicated that things were not actually “progressing on schedule”.  11 ½ weeks.  I was stunned.

Even then, I didn’t call it what it was.  Because one is bad luck, and a second is super bad luck…but you really need a third to earn that title “repeated miscarriages”.

Unless you go months and months and months with no pregnancy.

Then you’re both unlucky and infertile.  Particularly if your eggs are old (read: anything over 30).

One year passed.  The months dragged on.  The anxiety mounted.  Hope quickly dissolved.  It was exhausting.

And then the phone calls came:  Back to back, two of my closest friends announced their second pregnancies.  I was pregnant when they were pregnant with their first children…they just didn’t know it at the time.  We were supposed to do this together.

I struggled to make sense of it.  I didn’t know how to respond.  I was happy for them.  In fact, I was over the moon.  But I was also anxious, jealous, and depressed.  How could they possibly be going on number two when I couldn’t, for the life of me, have a number one?

That’s when the isolation set in.  Even though my friends checked in regularly and hoped against hope that I would get there soon, something felt different.

Life changes when you have one and are expecting another.  Your world shifts.

Suddenly, I felt very alone…

Please stop by Club MomMe to continue reading this post.

Welcome to Clomid and Cabernet!

Welcome to Clomid and Cabernet!  I am so happy that you decided to stop by.

This little community has been on my mind for quite some time.  You can read my story here, but the short version is that my husband and I struggled for many years before we had our two children.  We lost four along the way, the most recent loss at 18 weeks gestation.  Needless to say, it hasn’t been easy.

We know that we are the lucky ones.  We were able to bring our daughter and our son into this world, and we feel grateful for them every single day.

Our infertility journey included many ups and downs, and some very, very absurd moments.  Let’s just say that we tried everything.  Legs in the air for 45 minutes?  Check!  Acupuncture for both of us?  Check!  Trying to get pregnant while on tour with a band?  Check!  Yes, we tried everything.

And don’t forget the importance of that very tasty Cabernet (or Merlot, or Sam Adams, etc.)…

Sometimes you just need to pour a glass...

My husband and I did as most infertiles do along the way…we remained fairly silent.  Other than our families and a few very close friends, we didn’t share the details of our journey.  We were frustrated, ashamed, and alone.  While I did try to join some of the infertility message boards along the way, I never quite found the right place for me.  No one seemed to be talking about the legs in the air thing…forget about the fertility monitor on the tour bus.

I promised myself that when I got to the other side of my journey through infertility, I would create a community for people to connect.  Clomid and Cabernet is for everyone:  The couples undergoing treatment, the friends who don’t know what to say,  and the family members standing helpless on the sidelines.  Clomid and Cabernet is a place where we can all come together to share our journeys, ask some questions, and hopefully find a way to laugh a little.

Features:

The Forums:  The Forums, or message boards, are the place to connect with others, build friendships, and seek support.  I recommend creating a profile and joining a group or two.  This is a great place to share you stories and get to know others traveling the same path.

The Eggfessional:  Located in the Forums, the Eggfessional is the place to vent your frustrations, share your absurd stories, and say the things that you wouldn’t otherwise say.  The Eggfessional is open to guests only, in order to protect your anonymity.  In other words, say anything!

Ask Dr. Marc:  Marc Kalan, M.D. is an infertility specialist in Los Angeles.  He is here to answer your questions and provide some guidance.  Dr. Marc is here for couples struggling with infertility, but he is also here for friends and family members who have questions too!  Send in your concerns and Dr. Marc will give you an answer.

Share Your Story:  Clomid and Cabernet is all about breaking the silence of infertility.  I would love to share your stories here.  Bloggers and non-bloggers are all welcome.  Please send in your submissions so that we can all start breaking the silence together.

This site has been on my mind for many years.  I truly hope to build a positive community where people can share their stories, connect with others, and laugh a little along the way.  Believe me, I know that there isn’t anything even remotely entertaining about infertility.  But I do believe in safety in numbers and sharing our stories.  We have nothing to hide.  We are warriors, and we are all in this together.

What do you say?  Will you fight the good fight with me?  Will you stand up and break the silence?

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