Today on Share Your Story, Whitney, shares her long journey toward pregnancy. Whitney is no stranger to the waiting game, and knows a thing or two about saving up to make your family dreams come true. What strikes me most about Whitney is that, despite the long and exhausting struggle, she manages to find the positive and remain grateful for what is good in her life. Very inspiring, indeed. You can catch Whitney over at There She Goes…
It is November 6, 2012 and the world is waiting to find out who the next President of the United States is, I on the other hand am waiting to see if my period shows up. This is the life of any woman, who wants a child, and this has been my life for the last 3 years; this is my story.
I always knew that I wanted children. I could never explain it, I did not come from a big family, in fact I was an only child, but I always babysat and was a nanny in college, and I remember feeling so happy people would tell me what I wonderful mother I would make someday.
I never thought that at 21 I would meet the love of my life and then be married by 22. At 23, I held a positive pregnancy test in my hand and felt true joy, only to watch it slip away days later. At first we were optimistic, I remember my husband telling me that he had a feeling that “you will be really good at getting pregnant”, but as months went by we started to realize that this might be a little harder then we thought.
Months turned into a year, and I tried to be patient. We moved to Orange County my husband threw himself into law school and I graduated college, still no baby.
The tests were done and advice was given, “just give it more time,” “try to relax”, “go on a trip” not to mention all of the other weird advice “keep a pillow under your hips,” “keep your legs up for 20 minutes” …like anyone can do that? Clomid was given and taken, two years and still no baby.
When people talk about the cost of infertility they often don’t think about young students who are working as hard as they can to pay the rent and saving their pennies so they can do one round of IUI. And putting it off month after month, watching couples around you have their first and then second child.
And now we are waiting. After two doctors, two semen analyses, one HSG, and a million ultrasounds all we know is this: We are young and healthy and there seems to be no reason why we cannot conceive a child. The only diagnosis that we have been given is that I might have a slight resistance to insulin, and a very mild form of PCOS, but I have no typical symptoms.
Full of excitement we counted out every dollar and paid for the one round of IUI. Clomid 100mg twice a day. Ultrasounds stated that I responded very well, took the HCG trigger and released three eggs. IUI went perfectly and now we wait.
During this whole process I have tried to be optimistic, and not angry. But there were times when it seemed like the whole world was pregnant and I wasn’t. When family members who didn’t know about our struggle would complain about their pregnancy, and how they didn’t really want children anyway.
I know that one day my husband and I will hold our child in our arms, I know that child will be worth every negative pregnancy test that I have taken, it will be worth all of the ovulation kits I bought, and all of the crazy drugs we have been on. That child will be the answer to all of our prayers and hopes and dreams.
I have found comfort in my sweet friends who know of my struggle, how have encouraged me and make me find the humor in infertility. I have found comfort in the stories from the old testament of Rachael, Sarah and Rebekkah. I have tried to smile and nod when people tell me “just relax and it will happen.” I have tried my best to be supportive when friends and family have babies even though it hurts a little. Sometimes I get so angry I want to break something, then I remember “Thine adversity shall be but a small moment. And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.”
I have come to accept that things do not happen on my timing but on the Lords. I don’t know how long the road to our child will be. But I do know that the Lord has plans for me and my family. I know that one day hopefully soon I will look into the eyes of my child.
But until that day I will try my best to be content with the blessings that I have already been given. A husband who loves me, who is kind and supportive, a safe home, a job, food to eat, rockin abs, a sweet puppy who I suspect might be better then some children. And the assurance that good things come to those who wait and that I have so much more than I could ever have imagined. These are the things that I suspect we all think about as we wait…
Thanks, Whitney. Every story told helps another someone along the way…